we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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