Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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