You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
