His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
