booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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