She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
