Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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