i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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