I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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