Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
