Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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