I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
