he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
