somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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