life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
