Non-Jews are for practice
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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