i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
