we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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