Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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