Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He has the fingertips of a God
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