shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
