Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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