Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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