It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
