I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
