It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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