saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
