i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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