she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
