Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
