I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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