Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
