guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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