Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's blow job season.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
