When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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