I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
