Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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