i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
