I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
