Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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