We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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