tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
