I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
