oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
