he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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