this beer tastes like vomit already
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
