i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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