3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
