Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
