i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize