We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize