P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
