If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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