I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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