you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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