He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
