I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
