If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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