I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
