I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
