this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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