so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize