I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
