Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
