The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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