GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
