Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
