the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
