i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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